Reality Rox Series
Due to the subject matter and forthcoming transparency, this may be triggering for some readers. It’s not intended to be negative in nature, my intention is to help us all.
May 2022, I received a message via Facebook from a former facebook contact that a guy I went to school with, told her to tell me hello. This guy and I had history other than as school mates. Back in 2005, we hung out a few times but nothing ever panned out. We eventually lost contact. So when George (not his real name) resurfaced, I was pleasantly surprised. We exchanged numbers and so began the unexpected detour on my life journey.
The situation with George was never supposed to get serious. One thing I remembered about George from the past is that he was and as I found out later, still is toxic and manipulative. There were numerous red flags that I did take note of. However, I’m also constantly accused of being jaded and pessimistic. I’m not either of those. What I am is a realist. I call a spade a spade and I don’t believe in giving the “benefit of the doubt” since it only benefits the person you give it to in use AGAINST you.
I’m also a very giving person. I’ll help anyone within reason. Some people recognize this as a high level quality and treat you accordingly, while others like George, perceive that to be an indicator for usury.
What began as lots of fun conversations and enjoyable time spent and thinking maybe he’s changed since our last dealings, quickly turned into us confirming my pregnancy and facing the hard truth that he had not changed and I was now in a long term ugly situation.
I’m sure you thought that I was going to point the finger at him and his lack of accountability in this dynamic. I’m not. My focus is ME.
- I should have not detoured from my career path and tried to include George as a passenger on my journey.
- I should not have agreed to be in a relationship with him after having discussed the “love of his life” days prior.
- I should not have remained in a “relationship” with him after he showed how ungrateful he was on the staycation we went on.
- I should not have continued the relationship after he betrayed my trust by discussing my personal business with his friends that in turn told my friends which is how I found out he talks too much.
The main reason I should have discontinued the situation is when he began to mention how adorable our baby would be AFTER we “agreed” that neither of us wanted any more children.
Clearly I didn’t walk away soon enough since eventually I did become pregnant. Now I won’t discuss the drama that has since ensued. Once again, I wouldn’t be dealing with any of this if I would’ve just walked away from the situation in the first place.
Don’t ever compromise your beliefs, goals, or whatever to accommodate anyone that doesn’t easily fit into your journey. I am having to readjust myself because I chose to ignore certain behaviors and situations. It’s easy for me to point my finger at him and list all the things that he’s done and doing wrong. The real work is in me looking at the woman in the mirror and telling her the hard truths that I brought this entire situation on myself by not calling a spade a spade and instead trying to convince myself I would walk away from this unscathed because I tried to “end things maturely” in order to avoid someone else’s opinion of me.
Eff what others have to say! You don’t even need to give closure or end things properly. Stop giving jobs two weeks notice, that doesn’t benefit you. Stop having the “break up talk”, it doesn’t benefit you! Look at it like fishing, when your line gets tangled on something, you just cut it and move on to another spot, redo your line and cast out again.
I hope this helps someone like I’m helping myself. In that same regard, once you walk away don’t beat yourself up about it. On thing life has taught me, whatever is MEANT to be WILL BE! Stay focused.
Blessings, Love Light💜